This Can't Be Over
by ladykarinsky
Summary: What happened with Jess after they called it? A look at the thought process that led her back to Nick.


Nick seemed to steady himself, resigned to his fate. "I think we should call it. It's not like we're in love or anything. I don't know, we had one night." he said with a wistful smile.

Jess could feel her body resisting his words. But she knew he was done, and she understood the finality in his tone. He had made up his mind, and she was honestly just too damn tired to argue. "Okay. Let's call it. That feels good to me. That feel good to you?" she asked, not really expecting an answer. He nodded slightly, and his eyes stayed on her. Jess could feel the tears stinging her eyes, begging to be let go, and with a forced smile in his direction, she quickly brushed past him and had barely made it out the door when the first drops fell.

Jess made her way towards the lobby. She had to get out of here, away from all of this, away from _him_. She felt sick, and angry, and just needed a quiet place to think. She could hear Elizabeth and Schmidt fighting in the hall, their voices fading the closer to the front doors she got. Jess knew she should probably be with Cece now, but the thought of staying here one minute longer just made the tears fall faster. Finally she burst out of the hotel doors and into the warm night air. She stopped, and closing her eyes, took a deep breath. Looking around, she thought for a moment about what to do next. Should she just go home? Oh, God, how could she ever go home? No, scratch that idea. She could stay with Cece, but the last thing she wanted was to get caught in all the Schmidt drama. No, for now, all she knew to do was to get to her car.

Making her way through the parking lot, Jess played the last 48 hours through her head. From the moment she woke up next to Nick, to the moment of truth in the air duct, Jess had run the gamut of emotions, from exhilarated to furious. But the one thing she hadn't felt was regret – until now. She found her car and jumped in, slamming the door shut. Within the safety of her car, Jess finally let her shoulders relax, and let the feeling wash over her. This was all her fault. She should have never let him take her to bed. She should have never kissed him in front of the fish tank. She should have … wait a minute! _Why am I the one to blame here? _She thought. _He's the idiot who ended it! He called it! It wasn't my idea, it was stupid Nick Miller that ruined this. We could have been something amazing, and now our friendship is ruined because he's a coward! _Suddenly anger overtook any regret she was feeling. Jess knew Nick was afraid, but surely with her, he knew it would be different. But he didn't even want to try! He took the easiest way out, by basically telling _her_ what _she_ thought, that he wasn't good enough for her. Jamming the key into the ignition, she started the car. Pulling out of the hotel parking lot, she slowly turned onto the street, not really paying attention to where she was heading, because it really didn't matter.

Was he good enough for her? Was he right? Her tears stilled and she grew quiet, considering the reasons why he would think that. Sure he didn't make a lot of money, but neither did she, she's a teacher for god's sake, she'll never be rich. What else then? That he's grumpy? Who isn't? He's just not as good at hiding it as others are, and she secretly liked that. He didn't "fake" nice like so many people do, and it was honest. She'd always liked that about Nick, how honest he was – except with himself. Maybe … maybe he's not being honest with himself now. He said it's no big deal – but it sure felt like a big deal waking up next to each other. He couldn't be honest with himself that he liked her to begin with, so could it be possible that he is so scared of failing that he'd lie to himself about this too? And since when did Jess Day just let her friend chicken out? Jess stopped short of the light and turned the car around, not really convinced that what she was doing was a good idea. All she knew is she had to try one more time, try to convince Nick that they were worth the leap, that HE was worth it.

Pulling back up into the hotel drive, she stopped the car and jumped out, racing towards the door, but stopping suddenly. What am I doing? What am I going to say? She didn't want to sound as desperate as she felt, but she had to tell him she didn't agree. She didn't want to call it, she wanted to fight for this. She didn't want to beg, but she would if she had to. Jess stood, her back against the car, rehearsing the words in her head. She felt waves of nausea wash over her as she heard his voice telling her no and the jump of her heart as she heard him say yes., and all at once the absolute agony of not knowing which answer she was going to get. Folding her arms close to her, she willed her nerves silently to calm, her eyes to dry up, and her breathing to steady. _Okay. Okay, I can do this_. She moved to push herself forward and lifted her face towards the door when her breath caught in her chest and she was struck into stillness at the sight of the man moving quickly towards her.

_Nick_.


End file.
